How To Elevate Influence and Impact As A Leader

Have you ever been told that as a leader you can’t change people?

I have.

Is it true?

Sometimes.

Here’s the secret.

In order to influence someone we have to understand what influences them.

I was coaching our seventh-grade team for the Wisconsin Playmakers, a youth basketball program I built out of my college apartment. There was a kid on the team who was tall and had a good feel for the game, but I just could not get him to go as hard as I knew he had to in order to get to the next level. When mid-season hit and we had our individual player meetings, I knew I had to dig deeper with this kid.

As we sat down on two folding chairs in the corner of the gym, I asked him the question I now realize I should have asked at the beginning of the year.

I asked, “Paul, why are you here? What are you hoping to get out of this experience?”

He responded, “I want to be a D1 college basketball player.”

So I said to him, “Ok, Paul. From here on out, I’m going to start treating you like you’re a D1 college basketball player. When I’m hard on you, when I’m challenging you—this isn’t me against you. This is me with you holding you to the standards of excellence that I know it will take to bring these dreams of yours to life.”

And, in that second, everything changed. You could feel the energy shift and our relationship completely transformed. We had issues, I made him do tons of pushups, and I kicked him out of practice, but it all came from my heart. And he trusted that. Paul connected every challenge to his dreams. He no longer saw a challenge as something I was doing to him. He saw it was something I was doing for him. Paul Jesperson went on to be the Wisconsin High School Player Of The Year, hit a game-winning buzzer-beater in March Madness, and is now an assistant coach for the Atlanta Hawks in the NBA.

Paul was someone I could have easily written off as “lazy”, someone who was never going to figure it out, and gave up on him. But his story demonstrates that questions are a great way to help people unpack their motivations and create a compelling vision.

Here are some great ones to ask:

1. What do you dream about?
2. What do you love about the work that you do today?
3. What drives you?
4. What problem would make your life better if you could solve it?
5. What did you love to do as a child before adults told you to “be realistic”?
6. How did doing what you loved as a child make you feel?

The more clarity you can uncover on what drives someone, the less you have to manage as a leader. Why? Because when someone is pulled by a dream, they have more intrinsic motivation and take more ownership in their work, which drives engagement. And, PwC research shows that highly engaged employees are 87 percent less likely to leave their roles.

If we want to elevate our influence, drive engagement and retain top talent, creating meaningful connections with those we lead is a great place to start.