Last February I was sleeping on a friend’s couch in his studio apartment in Beverly Hills, had just moved back to Los Angeles after a relationship ended in Denver and was trying to figure my life out again. Amidst all this uncertainty in my life, on a Sunday we walked into the Tantris Center for Yogic Science and I immediately felt at home.
Over the next 19 months I met a group of dreamers, change makers and truth seekers, all looking for community around their spiritual path. A place where they felt like they would not be judged, could be vulnerable and lean into growth. A place where you could do your downward dog, talk about God and still listen to Kendrick Lamar. I had finally found a place where I didn’t feel like I needed to be someone different than I was to belong. It was my home, my church and my sanctuary. A place I could go anytime that I needed to and could always come back home. Ultimately, coming home to myself by finding God within me and within all things. It was everything I was looking for. Real connections, physical practice and spirituality all rolled into one.
After a 14 hour day of celebration Tantris closed on Sunday, open for less than 2 years. On the day of closing I felt a tremendous sense of loss and grief. Loss of my place of consistency, community and home. But, with loss comes an opportunity to put into practice two concepts that we can all apply to our lives.
Impermanence
Practicing impermanence ignites gratitude and puts us in the present moment. I don’t think we can live every day like it’s our last, but what we can do is be fully present, play all out and live in appreciation of our experiences, relationships, moments of accomplishments as they unfold. We try to hide the impermanence of things in our culture — like homes, relationships and life itself, because we have this ill-advised belief that if we just ignore them the loss from these will just eventually go away. It couldn’t be further from the truth. Eventually it all comes to the surface and causes even more intense suffering. When we practice impermanence we know that life is in constant flux. As my dear friend Khari Walker likes to say, “perfect chaos.” The truth is we don’t ever lose anything — it just changes form.
Detachment
We don’t suffer emotionally or even physically, because of the things that happen to us. We suffer because of our attachment to them and the resistance to change or loss. External material things are here for us to use, enjoy and experience. We suffer tremendously when we believe that we need these things to be happy and fulfilled. When we can detach, we create the space to know that everything in life is in constant change.
Needing nothing is the gateway to true freedom.
I was attached to Tantris — the Deep House Yoga, Friday night parties and community. In a period of life that was extremely inconsistent, it was a place that I took refuge. This is a reminder to me that the only place you truly can come back home and find true consistency is deep within yourself. It is the only place where nothing changes. Happiness is not a place, person or thing. We live in a world where we are constantly seeking fulfillment and relief in external things, which are illusions of security. The only consistent source comes from deep within you and is accessible at any time if you want to tap into it.
How do I move through this loss? I try to hold the belief that our greatest relationships, experiences and accomplishments have not happened yet. Getting to another level in our life means we have to go through challenges. That with every loss is an opportunity for something great to fill the void. I can’t tell you how many times in my life that great things have showed up because things DIDN’T work out the way that I wanted them to.
You are being guided by an infinite source of wisdom that is continually putting you in a position for work, change and growth. Growing to become the best version of yourself, for your soul to be unleashed and your most authentic self to show up everyday.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Detach from what does not serve you.
Know that everything is always changing.
And, trust the timing of your life.
